Two-Sentence Summary When Jess gets an unexpected text from the man she lost her virginity to, all the loft roommates (and Cece) begin sharing their “first time” stories in an attempt to determine whose was the worst. After withholding the real story of his first time from everyone but Jess, Nick finally decides to stop thinking and carries her to his room for their own first time.
Favorite Line This episode had so many winners that I’ve composed a little Top Five list of favorite “Virgins” quotes for your reading pleasure:
5. “This guy’s the worst. Playing guitar for girls? Girls don’t like that—that’s a fact!” (Nick)
4. “If I pee while it’s happening, will she die?” (Schmidt)
3. “Ruh-roh.” (Jess)
2. Mysteria: Aren’t you a virgin too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.
1. “Do you like DVDs? Do you sell cookies? Not a cookie bar.” (Schmidt)
Episode M.V.P. The entire ensemble was on fire once again this week, but I have to single out the guys as the true reason “Virgins” was such a standout New Girl episode. In both the flashbacks and the present-day scenes, Schmidt, Winston, and Nick were at their very best. Max Greenfield, Lamorne Morris, and Jake Johnson play off each other so perfectly; you really find yourself believing that you’re watching three best friends interacting when they share scenes, and that was especially true in this episode.
I think it needs to be said before this season is done: Winston is sneakily becoming a scene-stealer on this show. Morris has owned everything he’s been given this season, and this episode was no exception. His teenage Winston was such a believable mixture of innocence (watching Titanic and not knowing what was going to happen, asking Mysteria what she did for a living) and false bravado (#2 on my list of favorite lines). And in the present, Winston was hilarious in his disbelief over Mysteria actually being a prostitute and his strange optimism over his “last chance” with Daisy.
Schmidt, on the other hand, is no one’s surprise scene-stealer anymore. He’s the character I look to for genuine laugh-until-I-cry moments in almost every episode, and he provided a few gems in “Virgins.” Fat Schmidt is always a welcome addition to an episode because of the naïve vulnerability and inherent sweetness in that character, so I loved his awkward interaction with Nick about the basics of sex (and his strange “Penis! Vagina!” dance). But what really made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe was that genius bit of physical comedy involving Schmidt, Nick, and way too much personal lubricant. It went on just long enough to remain hilarious throughout, and the fact that it happened with “I’ll Make Love to You” playing in the background made it even funnier.
And then there was Nick. Oh Nick Miller, Nick Miller, from the streets of Chicago—just when I think I can’t love you any more, you talk about Jess’s “secret garden,” hide in the bathroom to eavesdrop on conversations (which Schmidt and Winston find totally normal), have a standoff with an imaginary troll during a mushroom-induced trip, and still manage to end the episode looking perhaps hotter than ever before. Johnson can add “Virgins” to the already-long list of episodes he could use for his Emmy submission. He managed to go from awkward teenage boy to perhaps even more awkward college student to a grown man unwilling to let the right moment pass him by anymore. Yes, he was incredibly funny throughout (crying in front of Octopussy, crawling on the floor of his dorm room as Schmidt tried to have sex, letting random jealous outbursts take over whenever Jess talked about Teddy), but what got me once again was his disarming sincerity. I thought his story about his relatively normal first time was delivered perfectly, with just the right sense of nostalgia and vulnerability as he chose to only tell Jess. And then the way he stopped the elevator and carried Jess to his room was the epitome of hotness. There’s something so ungodly attractive about Nick (and by extension Johnson) when he’s interacting with Jess, and this took it to a new level (as it should).
Favorite Moment When Nick stopped the elevator doors from closing just as “Anything Can Happen” started to play, I could feel my heart start beating faster in anticipation of what was to come—that’s how you know a TV moment is a great one. What I loved about Nick and Jess finally taking this step in their relationship was that, like their kiss in “Cooler,” a whole episode was built around getting them to this point, but it still managed to feel natural and spontaneous. It was a moment I knew was coming, but that didn’t make the payoff any less sweet. In fact, it made it feel even sweeter because it felt earned and believable and right. Words are failing me when I try to describe just how sexy Nick was in that scene—the way he held Jess was just so…FGHGHLDGFHAKSFHJDGKHDGJK. (Yes, I believe a keyboard smash is the only appropriate reaction to that level of hotness.) But what really sold me was Zooey Deschanel’s reaction. For a split second, Jess looks at Nick and you can see how nervous she is for what’s about to happen—because she knows it’s going to change everything. But then Nick smiles at her—just a small smile—and Johnson sells the hell out of that moment. And then Jess kisses Nick, all her nerves pushed aside by that one small smile. Because of that beautiful little character moment, I was more than okay with the directorial decision to favor eye contact over kissing in that scene. It was actually more intimate, and it made the one kiss they showed all the most powerful.
My favorite part of that scene, though, was the very end of it. I loved that the sex was clearly very good and not bad or awkward like some sitcoms might have tried to force on the audience. I loved that neither of them seemed to regret it. And I loved that they were able to just be themselves after venturing into such new, intimate territory together. Their laughter, smiles, and facial expressions were so perfectly in-character and added a realism to this moment that kept it from being too melodramatic or too sappy. Their happiness was so palpable, and their dynamic felt so right. The best thing about Nick and Jess’s relationship has always been how genuine it feels, and that extended in a really beautiful way to this scene.
A New Girl GIF* For My New Girl Feelings
That really just happened—and it was awesome! That’s what’s written all over Nick and Jess’s adorable faces here, and that’s how I felt after this episode. I knew it was going to be good, but I had no idea it would be that good.
*I have no talent for GIF-making. Thankfully, I am highly skilled at searching Tumblr for the best GIFs. I take no credit for this beauty.